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PEER Counseling is Unparalleled Breastfeeding Support–> Do You Have a Great Story?

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Supporting my Non-Breastfeeding Daughter-In-Law… Part One and a Half

This is a form of general response to some comments/ an “addendum” of more history or “back-story” type of intermission.  So I am calling it Part 1 & 1/2. Part II about the next pregnancy is in the works and coming later this week or next….

I am amazed and thrilled at the volume of interest this post has generated. I’m not a big blog by any means (usually getting on average 35 – 70) hits per day even when I don’t write anything. Now I have over 700 hits for 3 days in a row. For some of you that’s normal… not me. It makes me want to make sure I get this right. Make sure the correct points are being made. Without monkeying around…

Breastfeeding Baby Monkey

I LOVE Sadie. I love her like my daughter. She is a very smart, strong, independent, confident and outspoken young woman. She has a large group of friends to whom she is always supportive, a good listener and would do anything to try and help with all types of situations. These types of things make me respect her tremendously! My son had met her at a party once in college then re-met her a few years later when she was near graduation and he was … well….. a college drop-out party animal at age 23 recovering from knee surgery after a car accident. (** drops head with embarrassed grimace **)  Sadie.. I always say.. finished raising my son. She did NOT put up with any of his shit.  She is responsible for or part of the catalyst (besides the car accident) in encouraging my son to turn his life around. He is now a 32 yr old successful business owner.  They are very much in love. They still talk for hours every day and crack each other up all the time. Lots and lots of laughter and fun!

I am very happy that so many of you understood that I was (and still am) LEARNING the new roles of mother-in-law and grandma. This is a story of my feelings and emotions as I attempted to do the best job I could….. respecting and honoring that my son and his wife were indeed the decision makers as they became parents, helping Sadie understand that she was most certainly going to be respected and supported in her feeding choices……. and learning to let go. I’m glad many of you realized that I knew it wasn’t always appropriate to provide information and advice … but sometimes, because of the professional I am and how important I feel it is for all mother’s &  parents to make informed decisions….. I found it hard to not say something if only for their protection.  I hope you all realize that I am not pushy and try to always be supportive. But I’m human and I can screw up…  I should have asked first what they read or researched about it before talking. As a breastfeeding advocate and lactation professional, I know that it is in my grandchild’s best interest to be breastfed. I also know that it is NOT my decision. This is a story of my journey to deal with all that so close to home and on a personal level.

I wrote this post “Breastfeeding, Bottle Feeding and…. Somewhere In-between…. Why the Guilt?”  two years ago and another.. “**ROAR** on Breastfeeding Guilt “ a little while after. I have a hard time with people having guilt- thinking proper education for informed decisions will cause guilt- others making rude comments about someones choice making them have guilt- a personal guilt anyone has because they don’t feel they did “enough”…. I just have a hard time with all that. I had guilt thinking I went too far with the kids…. (Dave and Sadie). Never did I want Sadie to have guilt because of something I said, how I said it or perhaps acted. It was important to me that the guilt factor was eliminated. There are so many opinions out there and mommy wars and stupid stuff actually (IMHO). We need to be supporting each other. ALL MOTHERS AND BABIES SHOULD BE HONORED AND RESPECTED. We don’t know their story or reasons for any choices they are making.  Some of you have had painful experiences and I am sorry that happened to you. I hope you can move past the memory to be supportive to the next person you meet… even if it’s just a smile. 🙂   For “Mama of 2″…. Your MIL is sounding unbalanced and in need of a psych eval IMHO. Seriously inappropriate! I hope you can throw out her comments with the dishwater (what an old fashioned saying…) which reminds me of an old favorite cartoon: (LOL)

That being said about the feeding issues. I want to talk about parenting. All the years that I have been a nurse sending new parents home with their babies, it has been important  that they are empowered to become loving parents with their own style. I have always encouraged them to discuss things among themselves and decide just what that is. I encourage them to smile and nod at “Grandma” or “Aunt Sue” and do things their own way. I had this same discussion with Dave and Sadie at the very beginning of the pregnancy. It isn’t my place to raise their child or decide what type of discipline for any situation… My role is to fill in while babysitting and try for consistency on their plans. Not to make the plan…follow it.

Supporting my Non-Breastfeeding Daughter-In-Law … Part I

 I first realized the initial true feelings Sadie had regarding breastfeeding before they were even married.  I was staying with my son and his fiance — my future daughter-in-law– while attending the ILCA conference in 2006. We were at an ice-cream stand on a warm summer evening. There was a family with young children nearby. The toddler fell down, then while the mother comforted him, he snuggled to nurse for a while. I looked on admiringly. Sadie was disgusted. She commented on how that was totally ridiculous for a baby that size to be breastfeeding! And in public no less! “It turns me off even more about breastfeeding! I will NEVER be doing that!”
I had often cared for young girls with negative feelings about breastfeeding in my career so that didn’t surprise me. What I wasn’t prepared for was that this young woman was going to be the mother of my future grandchildren. I was a little afraid inside. I don’t know why exactly but I was.  Somehow, it hadn’t entered my mind that she may not want to breastfeed. I took for granted that she’d want to breastfeed like all of my family had, and like all the next generation young females had indicated they would. That was wrong of me. I didn’t really know this young woman yet. I didn’t know her dreams, desires or plans regarding motherhood. I had to be able to support her– no matter what!

So how do I discuss this with her? How would you? Do I even go there? Does she even want to talk about it? All you breastfeeding moms with young sons out there….. have you ever thought about this?

As a breastfeeding advocate and a health care professional, I always encounter situations where a mom and/or her friends, partner, family etc., talk about breastfeeding negatively with obvious emotion and often certain misinformation. I try to carefully find an avenue to open the door to an informative discussion attempting to gently educate and dispel untruths. Sometimes that is challenging. Sometimes it is my professional responsibility.  Sometimes it is just an overheard remark by family and the opportunity isn’t quite ripe for a discussion so I can only say one little line with humor to “put in a positive plug” so to speak. It takes experience to know when to talk and a greater wisdom to know when to shut-up.

That day –> I choose to stay away from her personal feelings and instead said a few positive things about how the cultures around the world regarding feeding were so different from our American culture…. I was meeting amazing people at the conference… the average world weaning age was around 4 years old…etc…etc.  I talked about how her future husband was still taking a bottle at age 4 and how he needed that. Then I asked her if she had been breastfed. She was a twin and her mother had not wanted to breastfeed, so no.  She then told me that her mother tried to breastfeed her younger brother (Sadie was 14 at the time) but she had cracked bleeding nipples for 2 weeks and both her mom and her brother were always crying. Can you imagine how that experience, that imagery would stay in the mind of a young 14 yr old girl and impress her own feelings about breastfeeding? I’m sure! This had probably happened to many girls in America.

Through out the wedding plans and the actual wedding, Sadie and I were just fine. I was loving getting to know my new daughter-in-law.  I wanted to be a good mother-in-law and not interfere at all unless they wanted help or advice. Life was good. I let them alone and we enjoyed great visits/ great times.

Then Sadie got pregnant.

SO EXCITING!!! Now we have entered into my realm of expertise. I couldn’t help but ask some pregnancy health questions, feeding questions. I didn’t go crazy- believe me. She was open and sharing. I wanted to know a couple things every once in a while after she came from the doctor. I was wanting to have a feeding discussion with her so when the opportunity arose, I seized it. I was so thrilled that she told me she was going to breastfeed!!! I encouraged her to get some knowledge in ahead of time, like maybe a class or a book. I also said I’d be available to help or do whatever she needed. That may have been the last we spoke of it. At least while she was pregnant.

Our relationship then went straight downhill and it had nothing to do with breastfeeding! I had heard from the happy couple that they were going to have a boy according to the ultrasound. I was thrilled! So excited! I congratulated my son and later in the conversation mentioned to him that it is pretty good but not 100% accurate and that occasionally the U/S can be wrong…. I said this to protect them from possible disappointment. They both said they knew that and things were fine. We then had a case at my hospital where the baby was not the sex predicted by ultrasound! Like a stupid jerk, I immediately told both my son and Sadie. The reaction from Sadie was harsh to say the least. I got a long email from her stating that they had discussed it and they want me to be only a grandmother and not a nurse for any future communications! OK then. I had obviously overstepped! I needed to pull way way back. I was very hurt though. I had tried so hard NOT to be in her space. I deliberately tried to wait for information instead of seeking it out.  But I screwed up. I did. Now I felt like I couldn’t say anything…. EVER…. about pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding….. my life, my work–stuff I knew a lot about! This sucked!

So I kept quiet. I didn’t let her know I was bothered. I tried to just talk like a grandma. What the hell do they ask anyway? Does a grandma ask how do you feel? Does a grandma ask if you are feeling the baby move? Does a grandma ask how your blood pressure is? What the doctor says? Or does she just ask about the names, colors of the baby’s room and stuff like that? How was I supposed to know? I asked “nursey” type questions to any pregnant friend of mine so I don’t really know differently!! The pregnancy continued and I got very little information. Only what they told me…I kept being happy and cheerful. I was a little sad inside but I couldn’t let her see that. It wasn’t about me. She was the pregnant mother– not me!!!!  One time I asked if it would be alright to get a call that labor started so I could drive the 2 hours to the hospital. I wanted to know if it was alright to be in the waiting room. Sadie said “Of course! Why would I even ask that??? I’m the grandmother for crying out loud!” (Oh…that’s what we grandmothers do) YAY!

I got a call from my son Dave one Friday afternoon while I was at work. He was animated and excited and proudly told me that Sadie was going to be induced on Monday! (She was 37 weeks as of today and would be 37 3/7 on Monday). I immediately thought something was wrong. I started asking if the baby was OK, her fluid levels, her BP etc… “Yes relax yes everything is just fine mom!” I said “Well- why do they want to induce her?” Dave said “Because he’s cool, he likes us, and I cut his grass.”      *** ARE YOU F-&$%*& Kidding ME???? ***** is what I’m thinking.  Out loud… I said: “Oh Honey, all the experts frown on inducing this early if there’s no medical need. Please talk about it some more and find out some of the risks.”…… “There are no risks Mom, I trust him. He knows what he’s doing.”. Later I get another phone call from my son where he told me he did not appreciate that I couldn’t be happy when he was telling me good news.  I just said I was only wanting to make sure he made smart decisions now that he’s going to be a parent etc and just tell me when and I will be there. I had to shut up.      What would you do? Would you say more????

The next day, Saturday, he called and told me the doctors moved it up a week. A week from Monday. Who knows why—I’ll never find out. At least she’ll be 38 3/7 weeks. The baby had other ideas. Sadie went into strong labor one day before her scheduled induction. Her labor was not long for a primip at all. A total of 8 hours. 45min of pushing. She had an epidural. Just Dave and Sadie in the room. The waiting room was filled with her family and myself and my daughter. I was told by the other grandma that the baby had already been to breast!! YAY! I was invited back to the room to meet the baby and it was a wonderful moment. I didn’t ask any questions just commented on how good Sadie looked and how good the baby looked. I think I was afraid to do anything except smile.. I was very happy and everything looked good.

Later in the room, there was a bottle of Similac in his bassinet. The room was filled with visitors. Sadie asked me if I could feed him. I only asked when he ate last. She said it had been hours and she couldn’t get him to eat. I sat down with my new grandson and started to work on feeding him. That’s exactly what it was. Work. He had some kind of disorganized sucking pattern. He seemed to have a weakness on one side of his mouth and didn’t form a seal well on the nipple. I have seen a lot of this before and have worked with both breastfeeding and bottle-feeding babies who present this way. I was able to get him to take 15 ml and he went to sleep. Sadie and Dave were relieved. The next morning, I came to the hospital with some outfits etc… As soon as I arrived, Dave wanted to go have brunch with me. The baby was alone with Sadie.  🙂  During the meal I asked him about being a new dad etc.. and I asked him how well the baby was feeding. He was difficult to feed most feedings and Sadie was feeling upset. I asked him if she was still interested in breastfeeding and he said “I don’t think so mom. I don’t think so.” SO at least I knew. I had been afraid to ask because of the history and I wanted to be offering the correct information if they asked me feeding questions. I wasn’t upset. I really wasn’t. I wanted Sadie to be comfortable and happy with her decisions. I didn’t want her to feel at all “pressured” by me or my line of work.

I started to think of how I could help Sadie the most. I began to show her ways to support the baby’s mouth on the nipple and techniques to improve the suck. Dave and Sadie initially began to rely on me for feeding help while I kept encouraging them each independently. They got the hang of it. The baby got the hang of it. My little grandson started growing. I drove down to their home for babysitting when Sadie had to go back to work. She used all available relatives to avoid daycare and we were all happy to help. When she came home from work, she’d always politely invite me to stay for dinner. I figured she didn’t need me around at all, she needed to reconnect with her baby. I would leave once she got home. When I’d babysit.. she’d leave me a list in the morning, I’d do as much as I could and document for her what her little baby did while she was at work.  He still had feeding issues… but they weren’t difficult if you knew what to do. Most often, I never even saw my son. Just the baby. One time Sadie told me I was the only one who did things the way she wanted.  Can you believe that??? I was beaming inside. Her own family wouldn’t try to get food in him, they would say “He won’t take it!” “He’s fine Sadie.. when he’s hungry he’ll eat.” They interjected their own 2 cents and felt comfortable doing and saying things to her as they had all her life. I would never be able to talk to her that way.

So she thanked me. Thanked me for hanging in there. Thanked me for doing what she asked. Thanked me for respecting her requests.

Thanked me for being such a good grandma!  ;-

 See also: Part One and A Half  Then:  Part II  … The next pregnancy and baby

Wordless Wednesday–>Why Boys Need Parents!

Taking a study break…

I  became a mom 32 years ago today!

As the experienced mother of 2 very mischievous (now grown) boys and

a grandma to 2 boys

with that twinkle in their eye…

I can tell you this was an hysterical laugh out loud photo essay for me!

Happy 32nd Birthday to my first born son!

WHY BOYS NEED PARENTS


Little Old Men… & Nursing in Public (Back by “PUBLIC” Demand)

Welcome to The Breastfeeding Cafe Carnival!
This post was written as part of The Breastfeeding Cafe’s Carnival. For more info on the Breastfeeding Cafe, go to www.breastfeedingcafe.wordpress.com. For more info on the Carnival or if you want to participate, contact Claire at clindstrom2 {at} gmail {dot} com. Today’s post is about nursing in public. Please read the other blogs in today’s carnival listed below and check back for more posts July 18th through the 31st!


My first baby was born in sunny Florida during a particularly hot stretch in May 1979.  Although I was an OB nurse, I knew very little about breastfeeding other than what my older co-workers had taught me—which was not all that correct or very helpful information. Luckily, I had a great friend who was nursing her 3 month old at the time my son was born. She really showed me the ropes. It just so happened that she was the one who took me home from the hospital. We had to stop at the store for a few items so we went in to a “Publix” supermarket with both babies in our arms.  My newborn son began fussing to nurse soon after we hit the air conditioning.

I said.. “I’m going to have to go back out to the car and nurse him.”

My friend says “Oh..You’ll do no such thing.. You’ll die in that heat.. Just hook him up and keep shopping so we can get finished and out of here!”

Me- “Nurse him in here?”

Friend- “Well if he’s hungry.. yeah!.. (after looking at my face) Oh stop worrying about it..go over to a deserted aisle, get him hooked on and put your receiving blanket up near his face… nobody will know!”

Me- timidly…above the louder howls.. “Alright, be right back..”

I found the most private place I could. I started cursing that complicated “wonderful nursing bra” I just had to have. (Remember..this is 30 years ago… this bra is now an antique!) My skills handling newborns allowed me some grace as I attempted to multitask by stooping down, prop my loudly crying baby on my partial lap, use 2 hands to fiddle with the damn nursing bra, then get him back up near my finally free boob and latched on.

Ahhhh~ quiet, happy, drinking baby!

Still stooped down, I peered slowly behind me — expecting that a large crowd must have assembled. Somewhat surprisingly, everybody was just going about their business and I happily realized that noone was looking at me! I stood up, made sure I wasn’t showing anything, and walked off with my happily nursing baby to find my friend.

It’s amazing how many people want to see a quiet baby as opposed to a screaming infant!

A sweet little old man stopped me first and asked me how old my baby was….”3 days”, I replied. He peeked in for a closer look and he actually didn’t get it right away.. “I can’t really see his face.”.. I said “Well- he’s feeding right now.”.. He just said..”OOPS….sorry about that! Well he’s a cute one!” then walked off.

The next person who stopped me was again.. a sweet little old man. He was very smiley and jolly. He asked all about the baby but didn’t lean over to look like the other man. I quickly said he’s nursing now and then answered all the small talk.  He never seemed uncomfortable about it at all! That probably gave me a lot more confidence. We parted ways and I finally found my friend. She gave me an approving thumbs up, asked me to hold a basket with my other hand and said we were almost done.

Another little old man stopped us by the register to ask about both babies. We gave him all the small talk answers and let him know my son was nursing. This guy was a real sweetie, commenting on how lucky kids were that moms were starting to “nurse their young” again and ‘good for you.”  He never tried to look in at my son. He didn’t seem embarrassed by the process at all. He was the coolest guy!

I left the Publix Supermarket on my way home to begin my life as a mommy…. with a little public education bonus.  Encountering those sweet little old men while feeding my baby and receiving their positive type feedback was the gentle support I needed. I went on to feel empowered to nurse in public for all three of my babies…  Those little old men were just so supportive! ~ When my baby was hungry, he needed to feed and it really didn’t matter where I was at the time.  Thank goodness for my friend’s wisdom and support to go for it!

I became a lactation professional while nursing my last baby. It was then, only after I really became more aware of issues surrounding nursing in public that I actually took any kind of public action to empower other moms.  I’ve done lots of different little things as the years have gone by. I want to mention one fun way that I thought I could help gently re-educate some of the “new” sweet little old men of this day and age.  Our local paper has a lot of little retired guys commenting back and forth on various local articles. I’m guessing their age and status by all the things they say. I took this opportunity to possibly educate some of these forum readers about breastfeeding rights in public.  Every once in a while, on the forum, I put out a little snippet on nursing in public… and sit back and watch what they have to say in reply! It’s quite fun!

Here’s an example I wrote on a long forum discussion a couple years ago on a breastfeeding article:

On another note, regarding a reader reaction in the forum, a skimpy bikini or the bathing-suit issue of a favorite sports magazine show more skin in a provocative, sexy way than any mom breast-feeding. Even the movie stars in their gowns with plunging necklines are showing almost the entire breast! Somehow, that is OK. It is sad that the public opinion of a baby breast-feeding (the most natural way for him to eat) is something that should be done in private … yet young girls are encouraged by media to bare more and more skin. Of course being discreet while feeding is important, but I can assure you, most girls in a tiny bikini are thinking more about “tacky exhibitionist behavior” than a mother breast-feeding her baby. August 1-7 is always World Breast Feeding Week. The theme this year is “Welcome Baby Softly,” focusing on the importance of the first hour or two after birth. Learn more about it. I would love to see the paper do an article on that.

This one provoked a few responses in both directions and sometimes there were a few people who actually thought out loud that …gosh maybe I was right… never thought about it that way…etc..

Here’s an example I wrote on a recent article about the appropriate % amount for tipping :

I have never left an establishment without tipping– however, I also tip according to service up to 20%. If there are unkind reactions to small children in a FAMILY establishment, they will be getting a bare minimal tip for sure!! I do my best to keep my children behaved with table manners AND respect other patrons… but fact remains, they are children! I cannot possibly be prepared for every behavior or an accidental spill. In addition, my breastfeeding baby may be hungry.. By PA law, I have the right to nurse my baby in a public place wherever he and I are allowed to be. I am discreet.. I am protected by law… I don’t need an unkind comment from servers. They do not get a 15-20% tip if nasty, unkind or disrespectful comments have been made about my children or my breastfeeding baby!

This provoked a foray of comments ranging from ‘good for you’ to ‘you should be in the back booth…controlling kids etc..’  Sometimes the opportunities to educate others come at unexpected times but produce amazing results!

On a few occasions, other readers were supporting my comments and

helping to educate those sweet little old guys with me!

😉


Here are more posts by the Breastfeeding Cafe Carnival participants! Check back because more will be added throughout the day.

Fabulous Vintage Breastfeeding & Mother’s Day Art

HAPPY

MOTHER’S

DAY !

1859 "Abundance" engraved by T.Vernon

1850 "The Gypsy Mother" engraved by E.Portbury

1840 "The Gypsy Mother" engraved by Greatbach

In the world of childbirth, Mother’s Day is a very special day. I have enjoyed years of watching a women become a mother either for the first time or again and again on this very day. It is always wonderful to share that experience with them.  Fabulously Joyful!

But today, I get to be home, pampered by my hubby and just milling about… I came across some wonderful websites carrying fabulous vintage engravings and various clip art. I absolutely adore antique engravings! I have some framed and others saved for something I’ll get to one day…  😉

This first few photos above are images courtesy of antiqueprints.com depicting mother and children. There are two WONDERFUL Antique Breastfeeding Engravings! These are all steel engravings with hand color in the first two.

The remainder of art below is from a website called “The Graphics Fairy” and all of these photos  are to Karen’s credit over there. Beautiful!

Enjoy!

Victorian "The Mother" engraved by the Illman Brothers

1880's Antique Engraving Children with Cherries

Beautiful old painting of a Mother with Children

Old French post card

Watch Wednesday “The GIFT of an Ordinary Day”

Cherish your ordinary days with your babies and little ones now. Enjoy all the moments.
I just watched this on YouTube. Katrina Kenison reads to a group from her book… a mother’s memior “The GIFT of an Ordinary Day” with music played by her son.
Since all my children are grown, it speaks to me as she wrote it. You may get a glimpse of your future feelings.
Very well done..
ENJOY !
(sob sob……)

Frustrations in Obstetrical Care …Culturally Sensitive? Oppressive Male Partners?

027 The drama  that went on here this weekend would be fodder for 10 or more Jerry Springer shows!

~Unreal~

I kept thinking…

“Please help me”

I am not and never have been prejudiced or bigoted in thought process, personality or behavior towards others. I am actually on a campaign to help educate our staff on being culturally sensitive and delivering culturally competent care in relation to obstetrical, breastfeeding and newborn care…. I’m currently organizing a quick reference handbook so certain beliefs & cultural values are better understood by our staff.

This type of sensitivity is very important to me.

It may not matter how I say this. Despite me trying to convince you that I am not intending to offend any type of people…..someone will most likely get annoyed or upset. I don’t usually enter into this type of discussion. I am quite adept at diffusing anger. I am not singling out a problem with any specific culture, ethnicity, or country of origin. I am not attributing any certain behavior to any certain culture.

 

This weekend, we had mother’s giving birth who have recently arrived in the United States from the following  areas: Argentina, Poland, Liberia, Egypt, Iraq, India, Dominican Republic and Nigeria. Sometimes their husband,  boyfriend or significant other was from yet another different country.  These are not unusual immigrants for our patient population. It is however,  unusual to have such diversity in a single 2-3 day period!

My concern is this— As a health care provider– how do you even begin to try to understand another’s strong belief’s or values when you are treated with tremendous disrespect and confronted with attitudes which are unusually demanding of the caregivers to “provide” for any and all needs. Now this is of course what we do…. provide for the needs of those in our care. That includes our responsibility for understanding different certain religious beliefs, cultures and their various norms and values. But this should be done within an environment or culture of MUTUAL RESPECT.

As  much as it is our responsibility to provide for those individuals in our care….. to be culturally sensitive. I feel there should at least be some responsibility on the part of the patient — and or their family- to learn what may be expected of them …. to communicate their history, needs and or wishes to the doctors and nurses~~ or at least to try to understand when it is explained to them at the time of birth and not lash out with anger or disrespect to their caregivers.  Is it too much to ask for a little bit of responsibility to understand at least a little something about what is involved in childbirth, postpartum, newborn care and the legal recording of birth in the facility, state and country in which they have come to and chosen to give birth!  {Many times I have been told they came here so their baby would be an American citizen.} Am I allowed to ask that those from other countries try to be somewhat sensitive to and try to understand our culture? I am not trying to victim blame here.  Really. Many of the patients exhibited rude entitled behaviors and were very disrespectful to staff.  We are all “others” to each other –> but one big blending of society. Lets ALL understand and respect each other.

Some of the behaviors we dealt with include:

  • A mother is married, the father of her baby is NOT her husband. The FOB becomes physically violent that his name can not be on the birth certificate–yet– until there is an affidavit submitted that the husband is not the father…. This turned into an all out fist fight between the the 2 men. “SECURITY!!”
  • A husband refused to allow his wife to be examined in labor during his absence, yet left for hours at a time demanding the hospital provide for his transportation to and from his business 15 – 20 miles away.
  • This same father would not allow his wife to speak for herself…. then called our unit many times after the birth when he was not there to say he was sure his wife was suffering from post-partum depression and we needed to treat her!
  • An unmarried young girl had a PFO against the father of her baby — She did NOT want to see his family yet that FOB’s family demanded to be allowed to visit, displaying hostility, speaking loudly and threatening staff  in a non-English language outside the entrance to our unit!
  • Another mother delivered and the father of her baby was currently in jail on drug charges. She met the criteria (for other reasons) where she and her baby were screened for drugs…. Both were positive for cocaine and heroin… sadly.. 😦  This infant needed to be placed in protective custody of Children’s Services and treated for withdrawal. This is always difficult and heart wrenching. This mother spoke very little english, was ANGRY the tests were done and we were not able to help her understand a situation of this magnitude easily with the language line….
  • Frenzied inpatient banging on the window and yelling for the only nurses’s attention to simply ask a question or get more supplies for their infant even though she was involved in an exam with a doctor on a new very sick infant and had signaled she’d be there “in a moment’…
  • The family and multiple extended family members demanding minute by minute updates on a sick newborn, interrupting our care by knocking on the doors and windows to the nursery… after we have explained all  minute by minute updates to the parents of that baby who were at the bedside.  I have a feeling that culture may have placed a value on the elders decisions over the actual parents, but this mother did not want the father’s family to be in the nursery with her. They don’t understand HIPAA or even know what it is! My job is to support the mother and keep her informed and with her baby.
  • A family not wanting to answer most of the questions for the birth certificate because… it was simply an invasion of their privacy. Alright then.. it will remain blank and the Bureau of Vital Statistics can deal with it, right?
  • A father of a baby requesting then ultimately demanding to speak to the doctor ONLY for each and every one of his questions.. (I am just a nurse).. did I mention it was the weekend?? We don’t have doctors present 24/7 !

 

 

There are times when these situations unfortunately occur. Many times the individuals involved are Americans who are 2nd or 3rd generation of mixed ethnic background or are of no discernable ethnic or cultural background, have lived in this country all of their lives and still exhibit the same type difficult personality traits.  Since they are more “Americanized” shall I say-or however is politically correct to discuss it— it isn’t so difficult to diffuse hostility’s, discuss options, assist with birth, newborn care, breastfeeding, do birth certificates…etc. It is my opinion that sometimes they understand things better simply from living here. We will ALWAYS encounter individuals with difficult personalities regardless of background who may be demanding in nature. They may not initially understand what’s happening but usually respond well to a gentle receptive approach.

That was NOT the case this weekend!

I only wish for strength and future guidance to help and support those who don’t quite understand.

Don’t yell at me or treat me with disrespect.

I ask those individuals new to our country to help themselves a little and learn some of our language and the framework for which we deliver our obstetrical care.

Please.

Wordless Wednesday… 1950’s “Good Wife Guide” and more…

goodwif1A guide for a “Good Wife” and more…….  vintage 1950’s and 1960’s American culture Photos found on this amazing collection of photos. Great find!!! I really remember many of these things.. Born in 50’s, preteen to teen in 60’s to 70’s.

Fun Memories

Click here for all the photos!

http://www.billsretroworld.com/RETROLIFE.HTM

I recently found this first link wasn’t working now…so I found another copy of this guide here:

http://www.snopes.com/language/document/goodwife.asp

http://www.snopes.com/language/document/goodwife.asp

Wednesday’s Watch~ Children and Birth

Do American Children know this much about birth?

dematronas  …. de matronas… 

This YouTube video is a very well done example of the beauty of birth and the beautiful innocence of children.

These children are interviewed about birth and midwifes and babies.
They are very very smart indeed!
I found this courtesy of my new twitter friend @ketchup74.

From Spain or Argentina? with English subtitles.

 

Has anyone seen or found a video as beautiful or remarkable as this? Please send me a link if you have!

Check the comment for some great links already! Thank you!