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Supporting my Non-Breastfeeding Daughter-In-Law… Part One and a Half

This is a form of general response to some comments/ an “addendum” of more history or “back-story” type of intermission.  So I am calling it Part 1 & 1/2. Part II about the next pregnancy is in the works and coming later this week or next….

I am amazed and thrilled at the volume of interest this post has generated. I’m not a big blog by any means (usually getting on average 35 – 70) hits per day even when I don’t write anything. Now I have over 700 hits for 3 days in a row. For some of you that’s normal… not me. It makes me want to make sure I get this right. Make sure the correct points are being made. Without monkeying around…

Breastfeeding Baby Monkey

I LOVE Sadie. I love her like my daughter. She is a very smart, strong, independent, confident and outspoken young woman. She has a large group of friends to whom she is always supportive, a good listener and would do anything to try and help with all types of situations. These types of things make me respect her tremendously! My son had met her at a party once in college then re-met her a few years later when she was near graduation and he was … well….. a college drop-out party animal at age 23 recovering from knee surgery after a car accident. (** drops head with embarrassed grimace **)  Sadie.. I always say.. finished raising my son. She did NOT put up with any of his shit.  She is responsible for or part of the catalyst (besides the car accident) in encouraging my son to turn his life around. He is now a 32 yr old successful business owner.  They are very much in love. They still talk for hours every day and crack each other up all the time. Lots and lots of laughter and fun!

I am very happy that so many of you understood that I was (and still am) LEARNING the new roles of mother-in-law and grandma. This is a story of my feelings and emotions as I attempted to do the best job I could….. respecting and honoring that my son and his wife were indeed the decision makers as they became parents, helping Sadie understand that she was most certainly going to be respected and supported in her feeding choices……. and learning to let go. I’m glad many of you realized that I knew it wasn’t always appropriate to provide information and advice … but sometimes, because of the professional I am and how important I feel it is for all mother’s &  parents to make informed decisions….. I found it hard to not say something if only for their protection.  I hope you all realize that I am not pushy and try to always be supportive. But I’m human and I can screw up…  I should have asked first what they read or researched about it before talking. As a breastfeeding advocate and lactation professional, I know that it is in my grandchild’s best interest to be breastfed. I also know that it is NOT my decision. This is a story of my journey to deal with all that so close to home and on a personal level.

I wrote this post “Breastfeeding, Bottle Feeding and…. Somewhere In-between…. Why the Guilt?”  two years ago and another.. “**ROAR** on Breastfeeding Guilt “ a little while after. I have a hard time with people having guilt- thinking proper education for informed decisions will cause guilt- others making rude comments about someones choice making them have guilt- a personal guilt anyone has because they don’t feel they did “enough”…. I just have a hard time with all that. I had guilt thinking I went too far with the kids…. (Dave and Sadie). Never did I want Sadie to have guilt because of something I said, how I said it or perhaps acted. It was important to me that the guilt factor was eliminated. There are so many opinions out there and mommy wars and stupid stuff actually (IMHO). We need to be supporting each other. ALL MOTHERS AND BABIES SHOULD BE HONORED AND RESPECTED. We don’t know their story or reasons for any choices they are making.  Some of you have had painful experiences and I am sorry that happened to you. I hope you can move past the memory to be supportive to the next person you meet… even if it’s just a smile. 🙂   For “Mama of 2″…. Your MIL is sounding unbalanced and in need of a psych eval IMHO. Seriously inappropriate! I hope you can throw out her comments with the dishwater (what an old fashioned saying…) which reminds me of an old favorite cartoon: (LOL)

That being said about the feeding issues. I want to talk about parenting. All the years that I have been a nurse sending new parents home with their babies, it has been important  that they are empowered to become loving parents with their own style. I have always encouraged them to discuss things among themselves and decide just what that is. I encourage them to smile and nod at “Grandma” or “Aunt Sue” and do things their own way. I had this same discussion with Dave and Sadie at the very beginning of the pregnancy. It isn’t my place to raise their child or decide what type of discipline for any situation… My role is to fill in while babysitting and try for consistency on their plans. Not to make the plan…follow it.

9 Comments Post a comment
  1. Adrienne #

    Internet sensation overnight! I know I found your post on a 455 member mommy-board for babies born in October 2010. I’ve been impressed to read your thoughts and will continue to check-in on this blog from time-to-time as I attempt to breastfeed #2 this October.

    June 5, 2011
    • StorkStories #

      Haha I don’t know about sensation but Thanks! What is a 455 member mommy board?

      June 5, 2011
      • Adrienne #

        There’s a group of women (455 of them to be exact) who have a message board on Facebook. We all got to know each other during our pregnancies and share milestones with each other. 🙂

        June 5, 2011
  2. It’s quite something when you suddenly get the deluge, isn’t it?

    I’m looking forward to reading part 2 – and I understood where you were coming from in your first post.

    June 11, 2011
  3. Jesse Z #

    i wish i could share with my own in laws….though i will share with my mother. she gets and respects we all raise our children differently. and as an OB nurse who now works as a breastfeeding counselor i totally get empowering women. when i ask where the baby sleeps and they look at me sheepishly because they dont want to admit baby is in bed i have to remind them i am not here to judge, i am here to educate. i dont care what choices you make as long as you have done your research, are doing whatever it is safely, and that it works for your family!!
    i came from a loving family- my mom breastfed 2 of the 5. she coslept while breastfeeding. i am still breastfeeding and bedsharing with my 2.5 year old. i am also 25 weeks pregnant. my mom totally gets and respects that we do what works for our family. my in laws wish they could change pretty much everything about me and my husbands parenting style. they raised 5 kids, only 2 are successful in my opinion. unless you are generating 100% perfect children please dont judge others!! until then i will parent how me and my husband agree on and we will learn as we go along 🙂

    June 15, 2011
  4. Cindy #

    I love this and thank you for sharing it with us 🙂

    July 18, 2011
  5. stephanie #

    Lord I love your cartoon….never it before but it made me LOL this morning!! And your post….love it…very honest and caring:)

    December 29, 2011

Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. Supporting my Non-Breastfeeding Daughter-In-Law … Part I | StorkStories…..
  2. Supporting my Non-Breastfeeding Daughter-In-Law … Part I | StorkStories.....

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